Cashless

I heard an early morning mass at the Cathedral and was on my way out when I realized that I had no money for parking and they wouldn't accept plastic, ofcourse (we're not at that level yet where everything is POS' and swiping). The atm was a 15-20 minute walk and since it was cool and the morning sun was inviting, I decided to walk there. The atm didn't dispense change and I thought nothing of it. I walked back the 15 minutes to the parking area and hopped on the car. When I got to the gate and handed my payment, the collector asked "Boss wala ba kayong barya?" I go, "Boss wala eh".

"Ah sige ok na". Apparently he did not have change either.

Which made me think. That walk was for nothing and at the same time for something. If I hadn't walked to the atm and went to the collector straightaway instead, I would not have known what to say. "Boss wala akong pera e," would've sounded dubious. And that made me wonder how many of those he gets in a day and would he have waived my fee off if I was super apologetic and sounded like I really had no cash and no way of getting some? But since I took the effort and had cash on me, although that was transparent to him since he didn't see me walk those many minutes just to get to an atm, he let me go due to the fact that he did not have change. Funny how the world works sometimes.

In the end though, it could be God's way of telling me to take a walk. "Take a walk,son. You need it".

..............

This milk tea is over the top. What kind of caffeine did they put in here? My mind is so awake at 2 AM in the morning despite the busy day earlier. It's almost like melange (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melange_(fictional_drug)) and my prescience has been opened. Everything's possible. All the end/or gates are open. It's a moment of weakness and strength. And just like any experience that makes you high and elated and weird, one just feels alive.

I must write. To release the bottled up emotions with this thing that lividgabo and the clan is facing. One may think that he's been hit with the worst of challenges. But NO. Nothing ever prepares you for this. There is no handbook for dealing with this kind of pain. My friend just went through this last year. She handled it pretty well I must say. And I gave her all kinds of advice on how to deal with it. I'm able to use those now but it's pretty different when you're inside the pool yourself. The pain of knowing that someone's about to go but you don't want them to go but the only way for them to be relieved of the pain that they're going through is to go. A conundrum that can make your head explode. AND WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT? He has been the source of our strength, our inspiration and guide. Majority of everyone's decision making has largely been influenced by him. big. small. even trivial. He has influenced our life somewhat. The extent only now I realize. Grateful that God gave us such a wonderful gift of a person. Grateful that I was given the chance to know him and know what a good man should be. I may not be able to accomplish or even remotely be like him. But I can try. Because he would've wanted me to do that. He would've wanted all of us to be good. And happy.

I would've wanted to you to be there on several important occasions in my life but now it's too late. I know though that you would still be there and make it a point to look sharp in your barong and be proud of me. Just like you always are. Even in our moments of weakness. You were there for us somehow. I will not cry because I need to be strong for everyone that you love. And from this day on, your strength is my strength. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love rejoices in the truth. It bears all things. Endures all things. Love never fails."

We Love you Lolo. It's all up to God now.

Not breaking when you're broken.

It's about having the courage to fail. Not breaking when you're broken. Taking everything you've been given and making something better. It's about work before glory and what's inside of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6h1HjArhQg