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This milk tea is over the top. What kind of caffeine did they put in here? My mind is so awake at 2 AM in the morning despite the busy day earlier. It's almost like melange (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melange_(fictional_drug)) and my prescience has been opened. Everything's possible. All the end/or gates are open. It's a moment of weakness and strength. And just like any experience that makes you high and elated and weird, one just feels alive.

I must write. To release the bottled up emotions with this thing that lividgabo and the clan is facing. One may think that he's been hit with the worst of challenges. But NO. Nothing ever prepares you for this. There is no handbook for dealing with this kind of pain. My friend just went through this last year. She handled it pretty well I must say. And I gave her all kinds of advice on how to deal with it. I'm able to use those now but it's pretty different when you're inside the pool yourself. The pain of knowing that someone's about to go but you don't want them to go but the only way for them to be relieved of the pain that they're going through is to go. A conundrum that can make your head explode. AND WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT? He has been the source of our strength, our inspiration and guide. Majority of everyone's decision making has largely been influenced by him. big. small. even trivial. He has influenced our life somewhat. The extent only now I realize. Grateful that God gave us such a wonderful gift of a person. Grateful that I was given the chance to know him and know what a good man should be. I may not be able to accomplish or even remotely be like him. But I can try. Because he would've wanted me to do that. He would've wanted all of us to be good. And happy.

I would've wanted to you to be there on several important occasions in my life but now it's too late. I know though that you would still be there and make it a point to look sharp in your barong and be proud of me. Just like you always are. Even in our moments of weakness. You were there for us somehow. I will not cry because I need to be strong for everyone that you love. And from this day on, your strength is my strength. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love rejoices in the truth. It bears all things. Endures all things. Love never fails."

We Love you Lolo. It's all up to God now.