Parts Unknown

 Just finished watching Roadrunner on Netflix, which is about Anthony Bourdain and this got me into thinking, why can't I start writing again? I stopped writing because internalizing can cause one to become too sensitive. Being introspective is both a blessing and a curse at the same time. Just like Tony, we keep running trying to find ourselves, but in the end, once we do get to the deepest darkest recesses of our thoughts, are we truly ever satisfied?

 

Do we ever really get to know ourselves? The algorithms may know us better. Youtube and Netflix is on spot on some of the videos it suggests. Lazada knows me very well and that is why I spend a lot of time with her everyday. But it's more of the same everyday. Looking inward has its price to pay. We may or may not be happy with what we will find. I guess that is why Tony kept running and looking for the next thing. Maybe what he needed was there all along and he kept looking inward and outward with no compass to guide him as to what he was really looking for. Some of us may be as manic as him, diving and immersing ourselves in passions and hobbies that can sometimes also burn us out. And once that is done, we move to the next without ever really finding out what we want out of this life.

Not really sure where I'm going with this but I'm really glad that Tony got me back to writing. I will try to make this a more regular thing. I've rediscovered that I love to write and just put my thoughts down.

It's been a while. been busy I know. Been trying to get from point A to point B everyday, wondering if I'll ever get what I really want from this life. Have I been running aimlessly, chasing a dream that I will never come to full terms with? Or do I just think too much, and actually have everything that I should ever want? The pain of knowing what I want. And having what I need. And yet I am never truly satisfied.

Free throws

Soldier on
I play basketball to blow off steam. Football would be nice but hard when you're just by yourself. In the past few games that I joined in, I realized that I really had to develop my midrange game and that's what was on the agenda today. I can't keep running and relying on the fastbreak forever. When I came up to the 6th floor basketball court, there were puddles all around and I noticed that there was a tear on my shoe. Should I still continue to play? Can I still play despite these setbacks? I decided to soldier on and remembered the days when I was a kid and was a complete basketball addict. Playing in the rain because the Chicago Bulls were in the playoffs or had just won the championships. I needed to mimic their moves and relieve the experience. :)) Such idealism.

You can always improve --- set a baseline for yourself
So I played and practiced by myself. At some point I decided to work on my free throws. On my first three shots, I was one of three. That's thirty three percent! But I decided to continue and finished 5/10 which is a not bad 50%. If I had given up on after one of three, I would not have made the 50%. On the next round I shot seven of ten.

Not everyone has the opportunity to play
I kept practicing and tweaking the weak parts of my game. All of this does not necessarily translate back to tournament level of play but I really want to improve that's why I continue. As I took a break, I could see other parts of the neighborhood from the vantage point where I was. I saw a basketball court that was inundated with green water due to the constant rain the past few days. I was humbled. Here I was worried about the tear on my shoe and the puddles that I could avoid. There's a basketball court, yes but they won't be able to play. This was a good reminder for me. To play despite the seemingly irksome circumstances because others don't have that chance. Today I've learned to value my chances more. And improve midrange as well.

Storing vs Giving

It's funny how we have a storage solution for every storage problem but we can't solve world poverty. Maybe that's where the problem lies. Somehow we must work on giving stuff away instead of thinking of ways to keep on "storing".

Technology

I've always loved having an IP certified gadget. I made it a point to get a water resistant phone and camera because I believe in durability and longevity. Also, it becomes easier to drop these things accidentally - less pain to the heart leads to a longer life. I also try as much as possible to know what's the latest and get the latest if finances permit. This is the culture that I grew up with. And this is the only culture that I knew.

Until I got robbed twice, had my phone not functioning for a week due to water log(which was my fault in the first place) and even accidentally left my phone in a cab (although it got returned to me) on different occasions. These events jilted me from the high perch that I must always have the latest and the greatest. Knowing that these things can get lost, stolen and broken put things in perspective. The subject hit closer to home when my sister broker her phone yesterday. She was waiting for me when she accidentally dropped it and it got run over by a taxi cab. At first I didn't know what to tell her as the worst situation I had was having my phone stolen from me (not breaking it). Seeing that the phone still turned on, I kept telling her that "at least it's still alive", albeit a Phonekenstein. We then had a discussion as to which phone she should get next and I gave my advice. I'm now at a point where I try not to get the "best" but get the best value for money.

Which brings me to the culture that I grew up in and have grown out of. Consciously and unconsciously we have been grown up to believe that we must always have the bigger, the better, the shinier and the best to maximize what we have out of life. Contrary to popular belief, this must be unlearned. It's just like being in a game. You must have "this" to get to the "next level". You spend hours and hours perfecting your skills and collecting stuff that would enable you to reach the peak. At the end though, what do you get? Satisfaction that you finished the game? No offense to gamers as I have invested quite a number of hours myself on specific games. But what exactly do we get out of it? Does it bring you closer to your friends? It might if it's online. Does it have a physical or monetary prize attached to it? It doesn't. After finishing the game, all you could account for is several cans of Pepsi, eyebags and tired fingers. It didn't get you a house and lot, unless you're doing this for living. And the hours that you spent on it could've gotten you closer to getting that house and lot by having more time in setting up a business or studying.

It becomes a vicious cycle that's difficult to get out of unless one encounters a life changing event.

So now, when I buy technology,  These four questions will help frame your desire to buy:

•  Will this tech bring me closer to God?
• Will this bring me closer to my family and friends?
•  Will this help me achieve my personal goals or make me better as a person?
• Will buying this technology help me serve the community?

I admit that I still struggle even if I pose those questions to myself. But it's something to think about when one is itching to get the "latest".

Technology should serve you, not the other way around.

Cashless

I heard an early morning mass at the Cathedral and was on my way out when I realized that I had no money for parking and they wouldn't accept plastic, ofcourse (we're not at that level yet where everything is POS' and swiping). The atm was a 15-20 minute walk and since it was cool and the morning sun was inviting, I decided to walk there. The atm didn't dispense change and I thought nothing of it. I walked back the 15 minutes to the parking area and hopped on the car. When I got to the gate and handed my payment, the collector asked "Boss wala ba kayong barya?" I go, "Boss wala eh".

"Ah sige ok na". Apparently he did not have change either.

Which made me think. That walk was for nothing and at the same time for something. If I hadn't walked to the atm and went to the collector straightaway instead, I would not have known what to say. "Boss wala akong pera e," would've sounded dubious. And that made me wonder how many of those he gets in a day and would he have waived my fee off if I was super apologetic and sounded like I really had no cash and no way of getting some? But since I took the effort and had cash on me, although that was transparent to him since he didn't see me walk those many minutes just to get to an atm, he let me go due to the fact that he did not have change. Funny how the world works sometimes.

In the end though, it could be God's way of telling me to take a walk. "Take a walk,son. You need it".

..............

This milk tea is over the top. What kind of caffeine did they put in here? My mind is so awake at 2 AM in the morning despite the busy day earlier. It's almost like melange (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melange_(fictional_drug)) and my prescience has been opened. Everything's possible. All the end/or gates are open. It's a moment of weakness and strength. And just like any experience that makes you high and elated and weird, one just feels alive.

I must write. To release the bottled up emotions with this thing that lividgabo and the clan is facing. One may think that he's been hit with the worst of challenges. But NO. Nothing ever prepares you for this. There is no handbook for dealing with this kind of pain. My friend just went through this last year. She handled it pretty well I must say. And I gave her all kinds of advice on how to deal with it. I'm able to use those now but it's pretty different when you're inside the pool yourself. The pain of knowing that someone's about to go but you don't want them to go but the only way for them to be relieved of the pain that they're going through is to go. A conundrum that can make your head explode. AND WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT? He has been the source of our strength, our inspiration and guide. Majority of everyone's decision making has largely been influenced by him. big. small. even trivial. He has influenced our life somewhat. The extent only now I realize. Grateful that God gave us such a wonderful gift of a person. Grateful that I was given the chance to know him and know what a good man should be. I may not be able to accomplish or even remotely be like him. But I can try. Because he would've wanted me to do that. He would've wanted all of us to be good. And happy.

I would've wanted to you to be there on several important occasions in my life but now it's too late. I know though that you would still be there and make it a point to look sharp in your barong and be proud of me. Just like you always are. Even in our moments of weakness. You were there for us somehow. I will not cry because I need to be strong for everyone that you love. And from this day on, your strength is my strength. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love rejoices in the truth. It bears all things. Endures all things. Love never fails."

We Love you Lolo. It's all up to God now.

Not breaking when you're broken.

It's about having the courage to fail. Not breaking when you're broken. Taking everything you've been given and making something better. It's about work before glory and what's inside of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6h1HjArhQg

Trekking Mt. Pinatubo

Backstory

Thanks to Cashcash Pinoy, the gang decided to tick the Mt. Pinatubo trek off the bucket list. Online research says that the trek would be wet and slippery and would present all kinds of terrain: sand, rocks and mud. I guess we were just lucky with the weather. It was just 5-10% slippery and most of it was rocks and sand. About 20% were streams that you had to cross over so it's advisable to wear something amphibious. I wore a Sandugo Yatri (relatively budgeted @ 1799 php), which turned out to be a good investment since sandals would give you blisters afterwards.

From the beginning

We arrived at the meeting place (Mcdo Shell at the corner of now Ortigas Jr Drive;formerly Emerald Ave and Ortigas Ave) at around 130 am. Access8, our organizers, said that departure was at 230 but we had companions from Davao who might have arrived late that's why we had to leave at 3am. Almost slept through the whole bus ride and was at the DENR 4x4 jump off point by 6am. It took some time before we left the bus because our organizers still had to register us with DENR. We were off by am and arrived at the jump off trekking point by 8am? The 4x4 ride is simply a bucket list ride. Some of the 4x4's did not look menacing enough to conquer the terrain. But you'd be surprised as it took inclined planes and rough roads with ease. The weather was perfect for trekking. Not too hot and not to dreary. The sun would show at different intervals but didn't bother as much. Apart from the light drizzle at the latter part of trip going back, the weather was pretty much cooperative. The trek terrain consisted of rocks of all sizes, sand and streams. It's going to bet wet because of the streams but they only reach up to the knees. Don't attempt to walk without looking at your feet as the terrain is pretty unpredictable and it's easy to stub your toe with a misplaced rock.

















Our friend was wearing Crocs and she was also comfortable all throughout. It's not advisable to wear sandals as it may give you blisters and rubbing at the tension support points.It's also recommended to bring a med kit consisting of bandaids and such. We reached the summit finally after 3 hours of walking and it was all worth it. Simply exhilarating. The sun was shining by the time we had arrived (really advisable to wear sunblock if only to counter cancer). We ate our packaged meal without spoons and forks and used plastic bags with our hands. The view of the water when it's near is even more amazing. We didn't take a dip because it was too windy and the sun decided to hide itself by the time we were ready.

All in all, a trek to Pinatubo is definitely something you'd want on your bucket list. It has tons of lessons to teach you. And its beauty can only be appreciated firsthand. Such a turnaround from spewing ash and lava not so long ago; like a woman scorned. Only goes to show that no matter what nature has been through, time will heal all wounds.

Year Starter

Open publication - Free publishing - More 2012

Two.Zero.One.Two

I was rifling through my notes last year, 2011, in preparation for planning activities this year and found this:

Why Do I write for Tugon

@lividgabo sat infront of his computer at home, not knowing where to end. Several alt+tabs and google searches later, he was still uninspired. He had only till midnight to finish his article. And that is why he writes. The thrill of meeting the deadline and coming up with something apt and beautiful inspires him!

Reading it, I knew that it somehow summarized half of my life and my viewpoint on things. I cram because that breaks out the adrenaline juice. I don't cram as much as I did when I was in College but I still have this notion that things will fall in to place no matter what. If it didn't happen for you, then it's not for you. At the same time I want some semblance of control. Like any walking contradiction, I'm neither here nor there; just somewhere in between. And it does not do well for an aching head. Anyhow, the adventure continues. Hold fast but learn when to let go. Because it's going to be a bumpy ride and sometimes the only way to fly is to jump from that diving board.

Happy 2012!

Go figure.

Asked Siri to send a message for me ,"it's ok I'm still on shift" and she recognizes it as ,"it's ok I'm still on sh*t" . Twice. Smart Aleck.

I Don't Get it

I Don't Get it.............

• when people spit gum in the urinals when the trash can is 5 meters away.




• when people cut your lane and try to overtake you but you're both at the same spot when you reach the stop light.




• how people who ride big SUVs still manage to throw garbage away in the streets from their vehicles; your SUV suddenly looks like a jeep.




• why people still insist on using plastic bags when there is already so much trash in the world.




• how people can stand other people cleaning up after them.




• why roads are so ugly despite all the taxes.




• why people still print their account summary after withdrawing money from the ATM when these can be checked online and they just throw it right away after (all that wasted paper!) - thanks voltaire.

• how stores can say that they are on sale when they are not.




• how GMA or the Arroyos are still able to sleep at night.

But a speck in this one big plan

It was a daunting task. and no one seemed to be up for it. as the 9 friends stood on the platform, it seemed impossible for anyone to jump 180 meters away from the canyon and remain unscathed, let alone alive. at the back of my mind, i was already thinking of the other "rides" that would be easier to conquer first. then move on to "the one". kind of like taking the easy questions first in the exam and then going back to the hard ones.

But no. As we got to the hut where the tickets were bought, almost everyone's mind had been set. it was the "plunge" or nothing. it's as if the decision was collective and we were all part of the borg. it didn't make sense to take the less adventurous ones because they were expensive (baka kuripot lang kasi lahat,gusto na masulit kaagad haha)There were 1-2 stragglers but in the end only one of us didn't free fall. I'd have to say that it may have been the best 700php I had to spend.

Lots of questions came racing. Has anyone died plunging? How many times can the rope be used before it snaps? Has anyone hit the canyon yet while swinging? Who the crazy-a**-hell thought of setting up something like this? All the doubts and questions disappear as soon as you plunge through the depths of the canyon and put faith on the 70 meter rope that spelled the difference between life and death. No words can even begin to describe it. 

Spoiler alert: it's like taking a retreat while adrenalin freely flows. As you swing back and forth among the tree tops and admire the view, you begin to realize how awesome the view is and you're glad to be still in one piece. Feels good to be alive. You realize that you are just a speck in the world. That you can't control everything. Sometimes you just have to let go. and live. and be free. and not think back. I chose to plunge and this is what I get. something awesome and indescribable.

I'd do it all over again.

This is Drew Arellano and not me (you might get confused :)) ) --- but this is how it looks like in video. Compared to the gmax , the gmax is still scarier but the plunge is more spiritual ;D

TUGON Fiesta Issue published online!

Tugon has been around for about 7 years now and we're always trying to find ways to reach out to people, parishioners or not. Publishing it online really tops the cake since people from all over would be able to view it.

Check it out!! Click here.

Rocketeer - Far East Movement ft Ryan Tedder ( Marie Digby Cover )

like this version.

Weirdreams

The past three nights were very weird ones. I had three consecutive dreams which didn't sit well with me at all as they don't make sense. The first one consisted of me leaving all of my notes and books for asian civilization (yes, it's a subject in college - not sure if they still offer it) and we had an exam the next day. I felt cold sweat as I haven't studied yet for the said exam. When I woke up, I was on the verge of thinking strategies for a couple of split seconds as to how to cram before the exam before I realized that I was not a student anymore. I was relieved but at the same time irked that the dream stressed me out. The second dream was about me buying a bunch of fertilizer and putting it in the trunk of the car. I passed by a PNP checkpoint and when they opened the trunk, it wasn't fertilizer in there but ammonia (a precursor to fertilizer). And ammonia can be used for making bombs! so they had to detain me and everything. That's when I woke up and the first thought that came to mind upon doing so was how to remove the smell in the car. The images and events were so vivid and seemed so real that I had to check and feel if it was just really a dream. The third dream I couldn't remember. Just as well because I knew it was a bad one too. I wonder what the menu is for tonight? This creativity better stop working at night and do what it's supposed to do and do it in the morning when I'm awake and don't need sleep!

Words.

One look and so many words have already been spoken. Do synapses speak? Does body language really talk?

Words express. They form thoughts, actions and ideas. Passions translated to a bunch of letters. Hate thrown into consonants. Periods and exclamation points express entities of beliefs. They've molded pyramids, bridges and fifty foot story buildings. They've maimed,abused and killed the unlucky ones. Such small fonts and if taken in the context of an illiterate, insignificant, and yet it makes the world go around and multiply and grow and expound and get man on the moon. Such is the power of words. and ideas. and dreams. All of which wouldn't materialize without the bunched up curves and circles that come out of our mouths. we are a planet slave to words and its meanings. They've translated to blogs, tweets and facebook posts in this modern age. we are hooked for life.

Despite all this.................... why does it take just one look.

We suck at this.

All I want for Christmas.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

http://thehandsomenerd.spreadshirt.com/